I look through the weathered window White painted wood frame, chipped and faded Four square panes standing in quadrants of simultaneousness The top left pane clear and crisp Looking out all is peaceful Colors blend in dancing bouquets The sun reflects in and warms my face as I gaze out An arena of syncopated rhythm the beating of my heart aligned with all drifting outside Then a cool gust of wind pushes through the opening My gaze lowers to the pane beneath The façade of the glass is blurred It pushes my gaze within I see the harsh dark and wakening truths The ones that aren’t let out I bite my lips together to ensure nothing escapes Swallow deep, deliberate and push all down and contain No one sees through this pane to what is behind, to what is held inside A bird flutters by outside I glance to the upper right pane but it is too late I try to find it, searching through the shadows I sense there is something there but to no avail The darkness blinds and reflects only the outline of my round face Blank of detail or substance Void, unknown to me I can hear chirps of truth from those who do know Then there is silence and it beckons to me I stare down, the final corner Nothingness It is not dark, it is not light It just is, elusive and omnipresent all at once Breath pushes in and out The potential to unveil The existence of utterances held still Unknowns surrounded by barrenness Swirls move around me Sparks summon me to glance below to the sill The sturdy foundation holding this pane-filled view Four panes aligned perfectly One which is all knowing One which lies within One hidden from my view One standing in absolute unknown They all sit, together Upon this sill Sit they do, together, on this sill
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My partner mentioned to me that he saw a post about someone who was going to “post a picture a day” for the year. Now that’s a New Year’s resolution I can get excited about and perhaps even follow through on. And, I have, so far. Yes, I understand it is only January 15…but still it is an accomplishment. In fact it is longer than I have ever stayed true to a resolution. I have shared 14 pictures thus far in 2017 and it has been so fun and enjoyable. Some days I have taken dozens of photos of snow covered trees, savory meals, astonishing sunrises, full moons…yesterday I took literally hundreds of photos during a photo shoot with my cousins and their precious newborn son. On these photo-prolific days it is a challenge to narrow down and choose just one. Then other days I have been busy at work and life seems to move me from one task to the next throughout my day without a breather. At the end of these days I find I have gotten through the entire day without seeing inspirational scenery or experiencing a riveting moment that has drawn me in and begged to be photographed…. On these days the practice becomes almost more of a journaling exercise, an invitation to stop and reflect on the day. Picking a picture of the day is like bringing pen to paper and journaling. The challenge is how to summarize my day in one photo – finding something that describes and encapsulates the simple ebbs and flows of the day. Picking out a photo becomes like writing another excerpt in my journal. Over the last few days I have been noticing something else, a shift. I am reminded at different moments throughout the day about my resolution – a picture a day – and I work to be mindful of the moments, people, views, words, emotions, vistas, narratives – knowing I will need to choose one and share it. I’ve noticed it has become a helpful nudge to stay present, curious, aware and open to each moment throughout the day. This has been a great unintended consequence. It has piqued my awareness throughout the day. I pay attention in a deeper way. I don’t need to shoot all these moments – that would be obnoxious anyways – I just allow the idea into my mind that each moment is up for grabs. Each moment has the potentiality of being sacred, honored and chosen as the one to send out to others as an outward sign of what I value and have found meaning in that day. I know, I know – posting pics to Facebook is not necessarily the most sacred of experiences. But I do have to say that this practice has really taught me something – perhaps all practices whether embedded in our sacred spiritual traditions, or part of our mundane routines or resolutions we make at the beginning of a new year… perhaps all of these practices – if we stay true to them, inevitably will teach us something and ultimately expand us. And one thing very different about this resolution is that it was something that I was so thrilled to be doing – it tapped into my loves, passions, interests. It felt like I was reaching toward abundance. This is in stark contrast to past resolutions that were more like running from temptation and based on self-loathing and “you’re not good enough” mantras. It turns out I have not been very good at keeping the self-loathing kind of resolutions anyways. This new approach feels different and to be honest seems like it is feeding me in a way that has supported me to also make different choices in challenging areas I would like to address; unhealthy patterns and destructive habits. But I shifted approaches. It was by no means purposeful, but nonetheless seems to be having an impact. I am so grateful that my partner mentioned the idea in passing. It led me to resolving to do something daily that is life-giving, aligns with my values, and encourages reflection and purposefulness. I believe this approach fosters success – to make changes in a healthy direction. It is similar to the approach I adhere to in my work as a strength-based Career Coach - encouraging others to spend more of their minutes each day focused on things that strengthen them. Somehow in my own life I find ways to complicate things and not “practice what I preach.” Now I understand that there is something powerful in setting resolutions that are strengths-based, abundance-seeking, aligned with our core. For one, I think we have a much better chance of staying committed to them, maybe just long enough to evolve, shift, change… I hope your resolutions, goals and dreams for 2017 are coming to fruition. I hope you will join me in resolving to embark on a practice that feeds your being and speaks to your soul. Happy 2017! Photo Journal 2017I stand in space and time all is still A reflection of all moments, emotions and memories weave into a blanket around me encompass me in robes of violent and magenta roll over me in textures of grit and silk hues and shadow individually each is familiar yet when together in a tapestry of reflection my spirit pulls in opposing directions Flip flopping like a dying fish in a shallow bucket Unsure of where the next breath will come from Gasping for air beneath the water in a space not meant for me Echoes of assurance rattle in my ears Am I willing to surrender and trust? Is it easier to call into question all once held in confidence? If all is impermanent then this too will fleet The rushing sensations burst together Creating moments so fierce and flammable one more ounce of insightful vulnerability will explode my soul Do I wish it away out of fear? Do I blink and cast it afar? I try This time the tapestry is too heavy The memories too vibrant They fight me to stay and swirl around me paralyzing my senses They pull from within me Drag out the inner workings Shed light on the dark corners Send vibration through the spaces Turning me inside out All that was tucked safe within flips to the outside My skin is storybooks and comics and movies of buried treasures I am a stage and the world can see the production imprinted on my flesh Actors stomp on my head and audiences hang from my arms What is left inside is milky white and flows like honey Freezing time and judgement The core is warm as mother’s milk and vast as cloudless skies I forget about the rattling production facing the world I dwell inside for a while awakening and expanding Every cell seems to hold infiniteness Each one a world to explore and comprehend I wish to stay here I try The ground jerks around me Turbulent shakes blend it all together Inside, outside – melded together in a stew of reality Fluidity of exterior and interior Nuanced realities side by side I step back into the space and time of now I stand still as woven memories grace my bones and cover my flesh Dance is all I can do Twist my torso Tap my toes Shake my head Slink my hips Integrating with every move Aligning once again More alive than ever Turning Turning inside out into space and time |
AuthorSome times I write. Even less than "some" times I share what I write. For those moments that I write and want to share I have done so here. Archives
December 2017
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